The Conversations That We’re Forgetting to Have

For two weeks during Pride month, Kingsley Napley are publishing a series of blogs to celebrate Pride and highlight LGBTQ+ issues from home and abroad.  We have included a glossary of terms at the end of this blog.

I am a trans woman who has recently embarked on her transition. Having only taken my first steps on this journey, I am acutely aware when writing this that I have much to learn about myself, about being trans, and about the diverse LGBTQ+ family that I now find myself part of. However, there is one theme that I feel is important to discuss as we celebrate Pride in 2021.

The discourse over transgender rights, especially trans women’s rights, is commonly seen as part of a zero-sum game where any steps towards equality allegedly result in a diminishing of the rights of cisgender people.

Arguments like these tend to draw all of the oxygen from wider discussions about identity. Often volatile interactions between, for example, ‘gender critical feminists’ and trans people mean that important, more nuanced conversations are being drowned out. Therefore, in 2021, I think it is important to sift through the outrage on Twitter and the sensationalist headlines in order to engage in much-needed, sensitive dialogue instead.

It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to attempt to give voice to all of these forgotten conversations in this one article. But, by way of example, what I do want to challenge is the misguided question of whether someone is ‘trans enough’ to be taken seriously.

My experience of being transgender is, in the grand scheme of things, quite straightforward. I use she/her pronouns. I dress femininely and, ultimately, my hope is to be viewed as female by the world around me (i.e. to pass). But it often seems like there is a hierarchy of identities.

For those who wish to restrict trans people’s access to single-sex spaces, there are perceived levels of ‘threat’ associated with people at different stages of their transition. Those who have elected to have ‘the surgery’ are apparently seen as the least threatening and so are more likely to be tolerated in single-sex spaces. They are placed at the top of this constructed hierarchy. However, anyone who falls below that acceptable threshold (begging the slightly horrifying question, how would you even check?) is frequently portrayed as a potential predator by opponents of trans equality. In the early stages of my transition, I fall within this category of ‘potential predator’.  To some people, I will still be a threat even after years of living my life as a woman. But even so, I enjoy a rare form of privilege in that my ‘type’ of trans-ness is relatively  easy for others to understand and accommodate, which elevates me in this perceived hierarchy.

People who are gender non-conforming in more atypical ways face a much longer path to acceptance. For non-binary or agendered people (a hugely diverse spectrum of identity in its own right), their form of self-expression may not sit easily within the confines of the standard male/female binary. Given that so much stock is placed by either being cisgender, or seeking to emulate being cisgender as the pinnacle of your transition, where does that leave people who do not want that for themselves?

‘Unconventionally’ gender non-conforming people face challenging situations that are uniquely difficult to handle.  For example, there are so-called medical safeguards set up to ensure that someone is ‘trans enough’ to pursue their transition, which gender non-conforming individuals often struggle to overcome because they do not meet expectations. Just being referred to as ‘he’ or ‘she’ for someone who is outwardly conventional in terms of their gender expression, but who is gender non-conforming, can cause distress. They may also feel excluded from being able to discuss their feelings with their friends or their employer because the narrative is still fundamentally based on two acceptable forms of gender.

We need to create an environment where the people across the full range of gender identities feel appreciated and accepted. The only way of doing this is by ensuring that our discussions around identity and gendered spaces are not exceptional. We need to talk about this openly, and not just when someone comes out as conventionally trans or non-binary.

This is just one issue that is all too often overlooked in the hyper-polarised debates that confront the LGBTQ+ community. We need to enable people to champion their own varied experiences across a range of hidden issues; otherwise, we risk leaving people behind because their voices are never heard.

Glossary of Terms (with thanks to Stonewall)

Agender

Someone whose gender identity is genderless or gender-neutral.

Cisgender or Cis

Someone whose gender identity is the same as the sex they were assigned at birth. Non-trans is also used by some people.

Coming out

When a person first tells someone/others about their orientation and/or gender identity.

Gender

Often expressed in terms of masculinity and femininity, gender is largely culturally determined and is assumed from the sex assigned at birth.

Gender expression

How a person chooses to outwardly express their gender, within the context of societal expectations of gender. A person who does not conform to societal expectations of gender may not, however, identify as trans.

​Gender identity

A person’s innate sense of their own gender, whether male, female or something else (see non-binary below), which may or may not correspond to the sex assigned at birth.

​Gender Non-Conforming

Where someone’s gender expression does not correspond with the masculine or feminine gender norms expected by society. A person who is gender non-conforming may not necessarily identify as trans or non-binary.

Non-binary

An umbrella term for people whose gender identity doesn’t sit comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Non-binary identities are varied and can include people who identify with some aspects of binary identities, while others reject them entirely.

Orientation

Orientation is an umbrella term describing a person's attraction to other people. This attraction may be sexual (sexual orientation) and/or romantic (romantic orientation). These terms refers to a person's sense of identity based on their attractions, or lack thereof.

Orientations include, but are not limited to, lesbian, gay, bi, ace and straight.

Passing

If someone is regarded, at a glance, to be a cisgender man or cisgender woman.

Sex

Assigned to a person on the basis of primary sex characteristics (genitalia) and reproductive functions. Sometimes the terms ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ are interchanged to mean ‘male’ or ‘female’.

Trans

An umbrella term to describe people whose gender is not the same as, or does not sit comfortably with, the sex they were assigned at birth.

Trans people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including (but not limited to) transgender, transsexual, gender-queer (GQ), gender-fluid, non-binary, gender-variant, crossdresser, genderless, agender, nongender, third gender, bi-gender, trans man, trans woman, trans masculine, trans feminine and neutrois.

Transgender woman

A term used to describe someone who is assigned male at birth but identifies and lives as a woman. This may be shortened to trans woman, or MTF, an abbreviation for male-to-female.

Transitioning

The steps a trans person may take to live in the gender with which they identify. Each person’s transition will involve different things. For some this involves medical intervention, such as hormone therapy and surgeries, but not all trans people want or are able to have this.

Transitioning also might involve things such as telling friends and family, dressing differently and changing official documents.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR 

Ellie Fayle is a Media Associate in the Dispute Resolution team.  She primarily advises on media, privacy and reputation management matters.

Ellie has excellent expertise in handling online reputation matters, including ‘right to be forgotten’ requests, defamation, hate speech and data protection issues. Ellie was previously seconded at Google.