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Keeping the peace at Christmas – top tips for shared parenting over the festive season
Lauren Evans
Four years ago, a headline in the Times read “Divorce tourists take over the courts”. In contrast, last month’s headline in the Guardian, “Court takes stand against divorce tourism” suggests that divorce tourism is being curtailed by family Judges.
I recently attended the conference "Surrogacy in the 21st Century: Rethinking assumptions, reforming law" organised by Dr Kirsty Horsey from the University of Kent. She has been part of a working group on surrogacy law reform, who published a report last November 2015 which sparked the ideas for the conference.
In the Oxford Dictionary, ‘domicile’ is defined as “the country that a person treats as their permanent home, or lives in and has a substantial connection with”. However, the law in this area is far from straightforward, and as our customs and values change at an ever increasing pace within modern society, the question is to what extent the law is able to keep up.
If you have recently separated and are considering how you and your former partner will raise your children, you will no doubt have looked online and come across a wealth of information on the benefits of “co-parenting”. Co-parenting is, in its simplest definition, sharing the duties of raising a child. In reality, this usually means that the following dynamics exist between the parents: co-operation, communication, compromise and consistency, along with a strong ethos that the child’s needs should be placed before the parents’. Effective co-parenting is usually not immediate and it can take many years of hard work to create. However, many are willing to put in this effort as co-parenting is clearly portrayed as the “gold standard” of post-separation parenting.
But is co-parenting achievable in every situation?
Reports last week of a gay couple fighting for custody of their surrogate child gives a harsh warning on the pitfalls of international surrogacy. Happily, the couple have won their custody battle with the surrogate mother, who changed her mind about handing over the child when she discovered the intended parents were a gay couple. The American-Spanish couple entered into a surrogacy arrangement in Thailand where same sex marriage is not recognised. Their child was born in January 2015. Thailand is no longer an option for foreign surrogacy, which since this case has been banned, but we find that when one country closes its borders to international surrogacy, another one opens, and intended parents must be extremely cautious when choosing where to enter into their surrogacy arrangement (and where the child is to be born).
Lauren Evans
Roberta Draper
Christopher Perrin
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