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As a surrogacy specialist, I am often asked for tips on how to talk to children about the surrogacy journey their parent or parents embarked on to have them.
It is generally accepted that it is important to make sure that children are given information early on, in an age appropriate way, about the amazing way in which they were born. I regularly point my clients in the direction of some of the most recommended children’s books on the topic but I am however ashamed to say that I hadn’t read them myself and they had been gathering dust on the shelf. With National Surrogacy Week fast approaching I set about reading these wonderful books to my daughter and recruited my colleague, Hannah Muress, to read them with her children too, to get some honest feedback from their intended audience!
The Very Kind Koala: simplifying surrogacy for young minds:
"The Very Kind Koala" is a clear and sweet story that is perfect for very young children who are being introduced to the concept of surrogacy. It explains it in very simple terms, via a baby koala being looked after in another koala’s pouch, and is a pretty close analogy to a human surrogacy arrangement. I advise my clients to start making a book or memory box before their baby is born to include photographs of the surrogacy journey and the surrogate and her family. This is a lovely thing to share with your child and there is space and a prompt to do this in the back of The Very Kind Koala book. This is definitely one to read with younger children to introduce them to the concept in a fun and happy way. Hannah and I both recommend it.
And Tango Makes Three: embracing diversity and love through surrogacy:
For slightly older children "And Tango Makes Three" is a lovely book about two male penguins who fall in love and want, like all the other penguins, to have a baby, but are not able to. The zoo keeper gives them an egg to look after and Tango is born. What makes this book particularly special is that this is a real story based on two penguins at Central Park Zoo. Of the two books, Hannah and I both thought that this has the edge. Hannah’s three children want to read it again and again and whilst my younger daughter might not have quite understood the concepts, she definitely enjoyed the beautiful illustrations! This one will be on both of our bookshelves for years to come.
Beyond the pages: empowering parents with resources
In addition to these two wonderful books, there is a wealth of information online to help parents. Whilst not specifically focused on surrogacy, the Donor Conception Network provide some very useful resources focusing on donor conceived children and they have published a number of books on the topic. CAFCASS’ has useful guidance and some parents seek guidance from children therapists who help with timing and age appropriate messages.
With Surrogacy Week 2023 in full swing, let's take a moment to appreciate how stories can bring us all closer. "The Very Kind Koala" and "And Tango Makes Three" are like little windows into big ideas, making them perfect for sharing with our kids. During this special week, let's remember that reading these tales together isn't just about fun moments—it's a chance to chat, to learn, and to feel closer to our children. These books remind us that conversations about surrogacy should be easy, warm, and filled with love.
about the authors
Sarah is a Senior Associate in Kingsley Napley’s family and divorce team, where she specialises in complex divorce and financial work as well as private children cases. Her practice includes all aspects of private family work and the majority of her clients have international connections. Sarah has a particular interest in adoption and surrogacy matters and regularly advises parents who wish to apply for parental orders following the birth of their child.
Hannah is responsible for knowledge management and practice development for the family team. She is now a Senior Practice Development Lawyer, having been the team’s Professional Support Lawyer since 2017, and previously working as an Associate in the team.
further information
If you have any questions regarding the blog above, please contact Sarah Dodds and Hannah Muress in our Family team.
We welcome views and opinions about the issues raised in this blog. Should you require specific advice in relation to personal circumstances, please use the form on the contact page.
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