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Grandparents have become increasingly involved in their grandchildren’s day to day lives over the last few decades, providing love, support, child care and a sounding board for frazzled parents. A number of studies have highlighted the benefit to children of having positive relationships with their grandparents and the importance of these connections is celebrated each year on Grandparents’ Day. However, as family dynamics shift over time, particularly following a divorce or bereavement, grandparent/grandchild relationships are often impacted.
Divorce is perhaps the most common scenario and can be particularly difficult when the separation is acrimonious. Grandparents can appear aligned with one parent and their relationship with the other parent can be damaged. This then has a knock-on effect on the time that they are able to spend with their grandchildren. Whilst mercifully rarer, the death of a parent can also impact family relationships and over time, the wider family of the parent who has passed away can sometimes begin to feel like they are being kept at a distance.
Practical steps to take
From a practical perspective, grandparents should always try to focus on the child’s best interests and try to stay as neutral as possible. Children understandably feel unsettled during divorce or following a bereavement and will be looking for stability from those close to them. They may well be look to their grandparents to provide that, particularly if there is conflict at home, and it is important to try not to interfere with their relationship with their parents. In particular try to avoid belittling either of their parents in front of them as this can lead to feelings of insecurity and instead just focus on supporting the child during what can be a confusing time.
If issues begin to arise in respect of the time that you feel you are being allowed to spend with your grandchild, try to tackle the issues with both of the child’s parents quickly and sensitively. Mediators can often assist and will work through issues before parties become entrenched. Depending on the age of the child it might also be appropriate to involve the children in a child-inclusive mediation process although this would have to be considered on a case by case basis. In certain cases, family therapy may also be a sensible option.
What can you do if you cannot agree
Grandparents don’t automatically have the right to make an application to court in respect of their grandchild’s arrangements. In most cases they will instead require the court’s permission to do so. In deciding whether to grant permission, the court will look at the nature of the proposed application, the relationship between the person making the application and the child and any risk that the application would disrupt the child’s life to such an extent that they would be harmed by it. The grandparent/grandchild relationship does not have special status in law and so the court will look at the connection between that particular child and the applicant grandparent.
If permission is granted, as with all applications relating to children’s arrangements, the court’s paramount consideration is the child and their best interests. There is no presumption that a child must have contact with a grandparent and so again, the court will look specifically at the circumstances of the case and in particular, the relationships between all parties. Where there is strong evidence of a positive relationship between the child and their grandparent we tend to find that judges are keen to make orders that allow this to continue albeit previous arrangement may not be replicated in a changed family landscape.
further information
If you have any queries about your relationship with your grandchild following divorce or a bereavement or you would like advice about how to manage your child’s relationship with their grandparents, please do reach out and speak to our expert team.
about the author
Sarah is a Senior Associate in Kingsley Napley’s family and divorce team, where she specialises in complex divorce and financial work as well as private children cases. Her practice includes all aspects of private family work and the majority of her clients have international connections. Sarah specialises in divorce and matrimonial finance disputes, including in particular those which contain complex pension issues. She also regularly deals with high conflict cases relating to children’s arrangements and financial provision for children, including international and domestic relocations and child abduction.
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